Sometimes words can hurt more than bullet wound. I know we always don’t mean them, but they still leave a scar. Having to hear you feel like you’re the only one who has been doing everything breaks my heart. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I’m thinking about your well being ;/ you don’t deserve someone who does not prove they try as hard as you do. One person does not hold the two. Relationships is like a pendulum; things must balance. One day, I hope I can convince you that I do put everything that I can. You mean so much to me and I put my life and heart into what we have and I wish I could try harder for myself so that you can believe in me again.
7 months <3
It kills me to know that you can go a whole weekend without talking to me. It hurts even more when you tell me we need this break. I know why you need it; you’re confused. You even told me last night. And confused of what? Being with me? That we’re actually in a serious relationship? Or is it because you’re not ready yet? This is not a HATE letter nor is it to make you feel bad. But this is how I’ve been feeling. I honestly don’t believe that this was necessary. When a couple is in a relationship, there ought to be crazy fights like this. Married couples do this all the time. Does either one of them say “oh we need to divorce because we had a big ol’ fight.” WTF?! No.. They work it out. No matter how big or how hard each of them tried, try even harder. You broke my heart when I was crying hysterically right in front of you at your house. And what did you do? Did you comfort me? Tell me that you’re sorry? Or how about tried to calm me down? I didn’t feel like you cared. It’s like you wanted me to cry. You even kept making me feel bad and yelling at me. Demanding me to look at you. Why didn’t you just hug me? and tell me everything will be okay? You criticized my actions and behavior from what had happened earlier. I honestly felt all that verbal hurt from what you were telling me. From the beginning of our relationship we treated each other like royalty. We made sure to be careful in what to say and how we say it. It was obvious puppy love at first. And now, what happened? We constantly just keep criticizing each other saying we don’t even know anymore. I was wrong in getting mad over a password and throwing the shirt you lend me right in your face. But have you ever considered why I did that? You changed it making it seem like you don’t trust me or that you are keeping something away from me. I can care less what you write to other girls now. I have never looked through your Facebook without you even knowing. I respect your privacy like you respect my own. And the shirt? I was trying to be funny but you took me all seriously and seriously scared the shit out of me. I never planned on leaving in the first place. And when you reacted that way, I just wanted to leave the room. And I did, to go to your living room upstairs. I never planned to leave without things being better. You should have already known that. I wanted you to run after me. Don’t get me wrong, you did. But now how I wanted I needed you to comfort me after all the shit you said to me in your room. I was really hoping for you to hug me and tell to work it out inside. Not grab me and pushing me, yanking me towards your brother’s room. I did not appreciate that. Right when I got in, I cried. Yes, no doubt. Who wouldn’t. And you continued to verbally hurt my feelings. Telling me “It’s all YOUR FAULT!”.. “You brought this upon yourself, don’t blame me” .. “Don’t try making me feel bad, it’s not going to work” .. Do you know how much it hurt? Did you not realize the tears, massive crying RIGHT IN YOUR FACE? You even broke up with me for like 10 minutes. Complimenting me saying “I won’t another girl that can compare to you.” You said, “I thought I was already done soul searching.” Now that really hurt me the most. And I cried even more. It seemed as if you were just kind of testing me. If I would plead and beg for you to stay. And I did. I didn’t want you to leave me. How can I be without someone whom I know I have a great future with. We’re just almost 7 months already. And you wanted to throw all of those memories away? Do you realize what consequences come with a relationship? Especially in a serious relationship like we have? You and I have something real. It’s real. Can you not believe that? Ready? Because I already have been. At the end, you did comfort me. And I left thinking everything was okay. I wanted everything to be okay.
I was driving and talking to you at the same time. Thinking too in what just happened. You constantly kept saying “you broke my heart.” The thing I din’t understand is what the hell did I do so bad? You say don’t compare to what you have done, but honestly you broke my heart more than I ever did yours. Not one tear came from you. and you say you’re broken. As of right now since yesterday, I’ve been thinking and crying for you. And it got to me now. You’re not really ready for me. I am for you. I accept your actions towards me, your feelings towards me, and I just accept you.
I’m ready to fight, to argue, and cry. This relationship I know is worth it for me. I believe we can have a great future together because I have faith in us both. No matter how mad I get or how angry you get, I never lost faith. That’s why I broke my promise when I said “I promise to break up with you if you hurt me.” You didn’t even really hurt me. I was just really scared, in losing you. My heart has belonged to you since October. I’m nothing without you. You wanted this break to “reevaluate” ourselves. But reevaluate what? I already know what I want, what I need. That’s you. Do you not understand that? You’re confused that you can’t handle me, tolerate me. I can with you. I have been. Because I LOVE YOU. Not once have I questioned myself if I can tolerate your presence or comfort. I need it. I feel you don’t feel the same. And it hurts. You’re showing me that you’re not ready for me yet. No matter how much I love you, I want you to really think about what makes you happy, and if you’re ready. What is it that you desire or if a relationship is something for later. Make your decision and I will accept it.
The main thing of this whole letter is to tell you that I’m ready. And that I didn’t appreciate you making this decision. We could have talked it out more… Goodbye love… Until Monday(05/14/11)..
I hate fucking fighting with you! Sometimes you don’t even realize how much I freaking fight for you! It’s so hard for me to show you how much I love you because I feel that everytime, it’s never going to be good enough for you. You say i do this, i do that, i hurt your feelings, and i make you sad! but what about me?! There are so many times where I just want to scream all of this anger out of me. I DONT KNOW WHY.. All this arguing/fighting is really getting the last nerve of me.. I HATE IT!!!! but I FUCKING LOVE YOU THOUGH… and gosh, that makes everything worth it….
Babe, if you don’t see this in the next 24 hours then I’m going to beat you up.. k? If you do see this, text me these exact words.. “Abby bought him pineapple ice cream lollipops.” NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
